“As wave is driven by wave
And each, pursued, pursues the wave ahead,
So time flies on and follows, flies, and follows,
Always, for ever and new. What was before
Is left behind; what never was is now;
And every passing moment is renewed.” — Ovid, Metamorphoses, 43 BCE

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First, let’s look at the data [04-May, Evening]:

The green projection continues on upward as expected when nothing changes in terms of mitigation. Meanwhile the red dotted curve tends toward a slowdown. Although both curves are essentially the same at the moment we might expect the green line to be more likely given the many states relaxing social distancing guidelines. This projection indicates about 120,000 deaths by June 1. Current government projections, updated to reflect the impact of the country “opening up,” indicate ~200,000 new cases per day (yes, 200,000 per day) and ~3,000 deaths per day by June 1. Editorial comment: ☹️

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Auto-transcript found in a bottle – circa (ink smudged)

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“Mr. Noah…”
“No, just Noah. Mr. Noah is my father. Inherited this fine beard from him.”
“Uh… okay. Noah. Several of your neighbors called us about your, er, project.”
“Not surprised. It does block some of their driveways.”
“How long have you been working on this Mr. Noah?”
“Noah. Since the day after Christmas. That’s when I got the email.”
“Email?”
“It was in my spam folder. Don’t ask. Sometimes I look to see if something gets in there by mistake or something.”
“Who was it from?”
“Anonymous.”
“I see. So this email…”
“Pretty much a weather forecast. Really crazy. Rain. Flood.”
“Flood?”
“Look outside. Wasn’t it raining when you came in?”
“Yes. Thanks again for the coffee.”
“That would be Mrs. Noah. My coffee tends to taste sort of… you see, what I do is first I grind it using these beans from Door County and then…”

“Yes, yes. About your boat.”
“Not a boat.”
“Not a boat?”
“No. More what you might call an ark.”
“An ark.”
“Yeah, you know: 300 x 50 x 30 cubits.”
“Pretty big.”
“Not as big as the Titanic, but about as big as I can build on my own.”
“I see. And how do you plan to get it to the water?”
Reporter’s Note {RN}: Noah looks at me quizzically.
“To the water? No, no. The water will come to it.”
{RN} I study the room, checking for the front door.
“I don’t understand.”
“How long has it been raining?”
“I don’t know, days.”
“Four days. Good thing I started back in December.”
“Spring showers… they say it should clear up by the weekend.”
“It won’t.”
{RN} Check again for exit.
“It won’t?”
“Oh, it will. In, let’s see, 36 more days.”
“36 days.”
“More or less.”
“I see, and the ark…”
“Will be finished before then. Ready to go before the waters reach here.”
“Go?”

{RN} Noah again tilts his head at me.
“Yes, ready, everyone on board.”
“Everyone — so you must have quite the extended family then? And friends?”
“Just the six of us.”
“Well that’s a pretty big boat for just the six of you.”
{RN} Noah furrows brow. I’m getting nervous.
“And the animals.”
“Oh, pets?”
“Yes. But also all the others.”
“Others”
“Two of each kind.”
“I don’t…”
“Two cows, two elephants, two giraffes, two mosquitoes – wait, maybe scratch that last one.”
“Er… You have a farm then? Or a … zoo …?”
“No, no. Nothing like that.”
“I’m not sure I understand… you said animals… Where are they?”
{RN} I look around.
“Not here. I couldn’t have them here while I’m working.”
“So where… I mean, where will they come from?”
“Amazon Prime. Same day delivery.”
“Of elephants.”
“Yeah and all the others… a pair of each.”
“Others?”
“Two of every kind. That’s what the email says.”
“I… I see.”
“Yeah. Turns out Amazon’s pretty clued in. Not sure how they do it, but there you are.”

“Ah. Yes. Of course. Amazon. And the ark… where did you get the materials?”
“Ikea. I ended up hacking it of course and needed a few more tools than the Allen wrench, and had to get some sealing tar which wasn’t included. Neighbors didn’t care much for the smoke, but that part’s pretty well done now. So I’m actually winging a lot of it… but she’s looking pretty seaworthy.”
“I see. Um… so the idea is that there will be a flood.”
“Do you do this for a living? Yes, of course a flood. Just read the email.”
{RN} Noah works a crumpled ball of paper from his cloak. I open it: line after line of emoji’s.
“And this means?”
{RN} Noah grabs the email back, stuffs it into his pocket.
“Never mind. I should really get back to work.”

“Just a few more questions?”
“Uh. Sure. Okay.”
“How will you fit all of those animals on your… er… ark?”
“Won’t.”
“Excuse me?”
“Can’t save everyone.”
“Save?”
“The flood, son. This your first story?”
“No, I graduated three years ago and …”
“Fine, fine.”
{RN} Thunder quakes the house, china rattles.
“Okay, so you’re saying there will be a flood, and… then what?”
“Return earth to its pre-creation state of watery chaos. Clear as day in the email.”
“You mean…”
“Yes, everything gone. Underwater. Fini.”
“Except for those on your boat… ark.”
“That’s the idea, yes. But like I say, some won’t make it.”
“Not enough room.”

“Hey, I’m just one guy here. The four sons try to help, except little Oscar who’s always underfoot asking questions, wanting to know can he go jump in the puddles, two-year-old stuff. I let him of course, but got to keep an eye out, you know. I don’t mind.”
“Oscar. Okay. But you were saying…”
“Oh, right. I’m afraid there aren’t enough cubits to hold a pair of every species. Some won’t… you know… well, decisions have to be made. Sad, but life has to go on. Can’t build a big enough ark in time.”
“You mean…?”
“I’m afraid so. For the good of life on the planet. You know how it is. I guess you could call it sacrifice of the few for the good of the many.”
“But…”
“That’s just the way it is.”
“But…”
“I sent the word out. Facebook, Instagram, all those. We need more arks. Got lots of promises. Some even started building arks. A few hundred anyway. But, one by one they got tired of the damp and the missing bolts and being trapped inside and… and pretty soon were “so done with this.” That’s what a lot of them said anyway.”
“So they all…”
“Yeah. I think I’m the only one left.”
“But if they had stuck it out, finished their arks, you might have saved more – maybe even all – of the animals?”
“That’s what the email plan was. People just got tired of it, began thinking the rain might stop, things would just go back to normal somehow. You know. People are people. Say, I’ve got to get back to work. Anything else I can help you with?”

“Well… there is this one thing. My uncle Otto – lives out in the boondocks – has this small herd of quite exceptional creatures.”
“I’m listening.”
“I wonder if… you know, off the record… they’re really quite beautiful… if he can get a few to you before the… er… flood… do you think maybe…?”
“Sure, just make sure he gets them here sooner rather than later. This rain isn’t going to let up, no matter what people think.”
“I’ll give him a call. But he’s sort of a recluse, you know, so I don’t…”
“How big are they?”
“How big? Oh, maybe, I don’t know, goat-sized maybe?”
“Dangerous?”
“No, no. They have only one horn. Very tame, very gentle. Almost magical.”
“Have him FedEx me a pair.”
“FedEx?” I don’t think they… I heard that they stopped ground delivery for now, at least until the rain stops.”
“Sorry to hear that.” 🦄